Kayne Comes To Cow Town - I Like Cows (written by Wayne Severson)

This is my old guitar player  Wayne and his son Kayne ... ahhh the good old days.

Christmas Past

What used to be a wonderment joyful time of year has slowly changed for me.  It starts with the small things that become a reality or drop out of a celebration.  Loss of people and things have painted a new picture.  An overall sadness has crept into my holiday season, Christmas time is a happy time for little kids and yes they do make or break a Christmas. 

   When growing up we spent Christmas Eve at home with my grandparents from one or both sides there. We got to open up presents from each other and the family big boxes that were sent from the relatives that all exchanged presents.  There was no drawing of names when you are an only child, that was for school and later years when gifts became so expensive you could not buy for everyone without going into debt.  There was a time that you could make a kid happy¸ and dare I say several kids happy with $20…and that was all it took.  We had candy that was homemade that I got to help make, and lots of smells that take you right back to memory lane if you smell them again.   Christmas morning was for that Santa dude… I believed in him for a while… not long mind you, but it was magical for a short time, for the record I do not miss that aspect. We would spend Christmas day after a long long long journey (about an hour and a half away) to my mother’s Aunt Ruth’s house. There were more presents there and a big huge dinner.  New Years day was my father’s side of the family get together with more presents and another huge dinner at Grandma’s house, that later moved to my uncle’s house, then they rented a place to have it cause the family grew too large for the living rooms.  Those were the happy years of Christmas.  Grandma’s, Grandpa’s, parents, cousins and no worries in the world.   I held those happy times for years, probably more time than most people got in life.  Then one by one, things began to change.  People started to die, the ritual of where to go changed.  Married life incorporated another side of the family to be involved with, it adds but it takes away on the other end. For many years we had Christmas on the road. Depending on where we were, friends and family would come to us. It was a pleasant twist in a routine. Sometimes it would just be the band and or adopted friends that would have us over to share in their family Christmas. I loved those days to, it is always easier on the gypsy if you are traveling instead of the one being at home missing the travelers. The adult world of Christmas is way different than through the eyes of a child.  You have to MAKE dinner, you have to spend money, you are the organizer not just a present opener. Sure the season is the same, the roll has changed.  Things are more expensive, there are lots more people in the family, but they are distant, the drawing names that happened for a while, have stopped all together because nobody gathers the same way on the same day.   Christmas has turned into something totally different, it is adopted family who is closer now geographically and mentally to celebrate the days with.  It is a reason to get off work or get off of work early and race home to relax, or start cookin and watch the weather to see who can’t make it.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the Christmas’s and the gatherings we have matured into, but it is no longer the magical ones of my youth.  I see how it happened and I see when it happened. Bit by bit, memory by memory changed.

   This year for Christmas will be a very difficult one. My mom died this year.  Her birthday is Christmas eve.  Last year she & my dad were not here cause of the weather, but we talked on the phone, disappointed but no it was not the end of the world… so I thought.  It was to be her last Christmas, her last birthday.  Looking back, I wish we would have spent it together.  One more part of Christmas that won’t happen anymore.  A melancholy has set in to the air. Can’t shake it off, I can pretend it is not there for a while but it doesn’t change anything.  I understand more than ever the sadness that so many people feel this time of year.  It is almost as if,  If you have never loved you won’t feel sad, if you have never felt a loss, you will have nothing to miss.  If you have sad feelings about things you have missed, you are a lucky person. Yes.. a lucky person.  You have had the memories and the events that shaped your present.  The never ending present that all those gone before us is… the memories they left us.  It is sad to think they won’t happen again, but they DID happen.   Can’t go back.  I know that is where the sadness comes from.   

                    I am hoping the solution for not letting the sadness take over and the melancholy dominate, is to change once again what has been changing all along.  We adapt and take it elsewhere.  So with a heavy heart, Merry Christmas to all of you who are still breathing, all of you that get to watch the magic once again through your little ones.  Enjoy it while you can no matter how much it has changed.  If you don’t have plans, I suggest you plan or have something in mind for yourself or someone else.  Cheers to Christmas past & present for we do not know what the future holds.   

The Couch

The Couch

Ok, I know many people are attached to things, inanimate objects, possession big or small, inherited, bought or acquired.  THE couch of all couches (to me) became mine.  I loved it instantly. Always wanted a pit group & it was finally something that we had saved for and were able to get.  Next to our mortgage it was the most expensive thing we bought.  The year was 1986, back then $1,200.00 was what it cost. That was $200.00 a section.   It was chocolate brown & the most lush, plush, rich looking & softest comfortable piece of furniture ever.  I could move it many ways, an adult play pen, a long couch, a love seat… you name it.   It has been with me all these years even though we were on the road a lot, when I came home it was a haven for drummers, guitar players, girl friends, relatives, extended family, friends of friends…. Need to crash?… we got this couch….

There was many hours of slumber from many people.  Fornication was had by many, popcorn, movies, snuggling with our pets in the latter years.  We lived on that couch with many people & animals.   After all we put it through, it still looks warm and inviting, it looks like….Home.  We put in wood floors instead of carpet. Because of that the pit group moved all over the place when it needs to stay in one spot.. Carpet make it ok.  Signs of wear have started at this point as well, so the plan was to move it into the studio as a secondary bed for guests if needed.  The new couch is also a brown sectional, darker and only three pieces. More modern, upgrades ya know.  I didn’t change the color, just the shape.   So the beloved first couch is moved to the Catnip Studio where of course the cats live.  The occasional dog, the guests of the studio, and it still has a life giving comfort and love back to whomever falls asleep on it.   More signs of wear.. L   the animal hair is a lot to contend with on a normal basis, but when you get it on your couch there is always more to do.  It then becomes a target for animals to use it for other things…….. ahem.  Once that starts, there is no stopping it.  Markings of ownership, they love the couch too, just a little too much.   I can wash cushions, I can’t wash frames.  The sides of two pieces are worn and creek a bit due to people sitting on the sides. The wear spots are not visible to the eye, but when you clean the couch you see the wear spots on the sides of the cushions.    I am writing this to talk myself into what needs to be done.  Selling it to someone else is out of the question.  I would not consider selling it for the same reasons I should not keep it.  I love this couch.  It is like an album of pictures full of memories.  When I sit on it, it hugs me.  However the strong smell of an old cat is not something I care to be pulled out of my memories by. 

Dog beds cost anywhere from $40. To $80. ,Or more unless you are creative and make them yourself.  This old couch has life in it still.  As I take my razor to attempt to cannibalize it for repurposing, I can’t help but shed tears. I take good care of the things I have.  I hate to let go of things I love, it can come in many forms, people, things, animals, yes.. I am almost a hoarder but not quite.  When I do let go I feel a weight lifted in a positive way, a bit of freedom and a memory that will never leave me. I get to keep those.    I know I should do it and I will.  I will say goodbye to my old friend of comfort by taking it apart, saving the materials and repurposing the things I can wash and bleach.  It is large, so I will gain space.  It has taken me over a year to decide one way or the other to do this.  I had to push myself to do it. Now because of what I have done, (a love seat on the way)  it is a must that I tear it apart.   I will use those cushions for my 8 dogs.  They love the couch cushions that will fit under my bed for them at night… and it will be clean for them.  I will still have parts to remember it, but somehow I feel like a traitor to all the good times and comfort it has given me and my friends over the years. SO many of you who read this… know the couch of which I write of.  You have slept on it… errr whatever you did when I wasn’t lookin.  

So with all due respect… goodbye my old couch.  I will never forget you. I will probably never forgive myself for tearing you apart.  I will go back and forth in my mind saying… maybe it wasn’t that bad.. maybe I jumped the gun.. maybe I should have could have would have…                                                      but no.   I know I need to do this.   I have added up the plus’s and the negatives. The plus’s of piecing it out way outnumber the reasons not to.

For all of you who have been one of the couch dwellers… say your goodbyes also.  I counted you all up once, then lost track of how many more.  Over 112 people have slept on this couch.  Rock & Roll history, IT BELONGS IN THE ROAD DOG MUSEUM I TELL YA !!!   Parting is sad sorrow.    Maybe now I can concentrate on other things instead of morning an inanimate object.  I’m silly like that.     

I got a guest room now.  If that is full and you are a guest of mine, if you are short you can sleep in the studio.  If not… there is another couch in the living room… it is still pretty much a virgin, only a dozen people have slept on it … so far.    Cleaning out my clutter and my precious band memories.

Tune it or die.

Dream A Little Dream Of Me

http://fandalism.com/clairede/c7iK

Cyberstar - Artist & Event Promotions : Chicks & Coffee ~ May 10th - 10am-12pm

Cyberstar - Artist & Event Promotions : Chicks & Coffee ~ May 10th - 10am-12pm: It's that time of month join these Rockin chicks in the morning starting 10am for music & coffee! Chicks & Coffee Saturday May 1...

SD: Take Action for Safe and Humane Communities

SD: Take Action for Safe and Humane Communities

Buffalo

Tis the Season

Tis  The Season

So far the best thing to make me smile has been something I got in the mail from my husband’s aunt who happens to be a nun in her mid 80’s.  She sends clippings of newspapers and happenings of relatives that we may not have read yet.  The first line of the little letter she wrote said.   “ I saw this used Christmas card and I just had to recycle it for you!”   I loved that.  Not that I want a bunch of recycled Christmas cards mind you.. but her thought and deed were so sweet. It made me think.

  Tis the season where I always get into my personal evaluation of myself and take inventory on my actions.  Happens every year since I can remember. The thoughts of making things count more and getting a clue that not everything is perfect in the world.  Every year the list of self inventory changes for me. Oh yeah there are the never ending subject entries that stay on my list simply cause they should not be removed and since nobodies perfect they need to stay on the list to try to be the best you can.   The list has changed a bit of direction from a decade ago. I’m in a different place in life now.   I have found myself with a low tolerance to stupidity these days. I get more frustrated with apathy about life and quality of life from so many “human beings”.  Every year a person wakes up to a few more things in life.  Time does that to you and if you are lucky it is improvements to your vast knowledge of dealing with things.  I know there are many caring, loving people out there in this fucked up world.  Yes  Fucked up world.  Why swear? Cause when you see what is happening out there that we have minimal to no control over, it is totally fucked up. There is no other word that will work.  Needless deaths, wars, starvation, murders, illnesses, cruelty… the list goes on  and on.  These things have always been here with us… you think we would have learned something by now on how to change it for the better.  It made me think.

A man I respected very much once said to me  Nobody can help everybody, but everybody can help somebody.   (RIP Baste Fanebust).   That thinking has stayed with me since I heard it.  No matter what your passion in life is, there is a cause to devote your attention to it. A way to change your corner of the world to make it better somehow.   Reaching out only works if you know why you are doing it.  Not cause it looks good, not cause you think to impress someone, but because you care.

As many of you know, I have chosen to put my caring and making a difference to the animals without a voice.  So many ways, to give and help.  Trying to educate, trying to point out reason so people do the math and stop adding to the overpopulated situation.  That is a total other blog entry that is coming soon, but not for this one.   My point is, be it people or animals, they all need help. WE all need help. Just because I help animals more than I assist children does not mean I don’t care about them.  It is my choice to help where I feel I’m needed.  So for those of you who comment.. “what about the starving children”.   Well yeah. What about them!!! Get off your ass and make a difference if you are concerned about them. Stop trying to hinder the compassion for something that someone is trying to improve. Bringing up other desperate situations in accusation of priority??? Who you kidding. If your house needs cleaning it needs cleaning, start doing it. The thing is START and stop bitching about where people that are helping  start they’re journey.  Put your money where your mouth is.  If you don’t understand why people need to and should help take care of the animals on this earth who need it, then don’t bother those of us who do understand.  Compassion needs no justification.

   Ahhh yes.. a bit snippy I am *sigh*.  I cannot speak for others, but I can speak for me.  In the coming year(s) I hope to help more to the causes I know and trust to be effected by my efforts in a positive way.    It is a big part of my thoughts and in my heart these days.  I live with many. I don’t exactly know how it all happened, it was gradual, but I know that my life is richer for it.  Not financially lol hell no.   Maybe I should have said rewarding instead of richer.   

This year I plan to use my time a bit more wiser. Finish projects I have started or ideas I have had sitting there for a while. Little goals that I know I can reach on a weekly or monthly basis.  I plan to do more for the causes I feel so strongly about.  As much as I love technology and computer life I also need to get back to nature a bit more. Planting a garden this year reminded me of that.  In my own personal battle with GMO & trying to be healthy; this will be a year of awareness for me more than years in the past.   It is really not that difficult to say no to things that are bad for you, or don’t feel right, or are just simply wrong.  

As far as the season… next year as well as this year, I made a change. I voiced it a bit in little posts here and there.  Now it will become my personal law. Concerning Christmas and the spirit of giving. I will no longer join the masses of buying cheap plastic crap that the world does not need for anyone.  I will give gifts of food or drink, things I make or repurpose myself, & gifts for my animals.    I will give the gift of standing up for No Kill Shelters & supporting them more than I have have before.   It makes me think… if everyone would give something to help the many causes out there that touch them, there would be a bit less stress in one corner of the world.  For me watching commercials on tv about shopping and the santa crap.. it drives me crazy and more often than  not makes me do the very opposite.  I won’t buy that shit anymore, not the hype, not the goods.   Kids at Christmas learn how to receive, not many learn how to give, perhaps it’s time to teach them that. Take them to a shelter to help brush the dogs… give time.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying kids shouldn’t get presents and all that goes with it, im saying don’t stop there… do the other half. Make the season about giving not about getting not about shopping.   Remember why before you buy. 

I guess this is more of a Christmas rant.  It started out to be a declaration of my plans.  My intentions these day get side tracked even in a blog lol.  See.. that is why my time needs to be a focus this coming year.    With all that said,  I hope you all have a blessed Christmas and are allowed to be with the ones you love in one form or another.   Positive thoughts go out to all of you who have touched my life.

Tune it or die.

Want to help out? This is a great start.

White Wall Sessions Hometown Glow "Bright Outside"

My cousin Greyson's band... you rock kiddo :)  love you
http://www.youtube.com/v/ft6hYxX4JnY?autohide=1&version=3&attribution_tag=5s-OQJroeV9ldiLcrk3CXA&feature=share&autoplay=1&autohide=1&showinfo=1

Fel Gives Treats

http://www.youtube.com/v/vPlOfJCwMB0?version=3&autohide=1&feature=share&showinfo=1&autohide=1&attribution_tag=A3TlVcnWXFbvt7ujbqD3Yg&autoplay=1

The Night Gown

The Night Gown

Ok, it’s time to blog about it. If it comes to my dreams more than once I have to pay attention to it on a different level.  Four times now over the past few months for no reason at all that I can surmise my mind has been triggered to remember this piece of my past.

   It was a soft silky satin material that clung to your body. It made you feel sexy even if you weren’t.  It was a light peach color with no sleeves. It hung to the floor on me shorter in front and tapered to longer in the back so it drug on the ground a little behind me.  It had raised threading on the front of it around each side of the low cut V neck line.  It was curvy even when a little girl put it on.  This was not my nightgown. It was in my grandmas “stuff “. I always felt sexy when wearing it and a little sad.  I used to think the sad was because I wanted it and it was not mine to have.  I was too little. It was too grownup.

I spent hours as a little girl playing in my grandma’s stuff.  She had an upstairs in both houses that she lived in while I knew her.  Each room was a hidden treasure chest of dress up clothes for a little girl. She had wardrobes, hampers, closets, and boxes full of hats, coats, & dresses.  My grandma used to be a seamstress in the depression years.  She made her 4 son’s suit jackets out of an older full length coat that was given to her.  She wore turbans before her time when she could not afford a proper hat. Because she was raised and lived in the depression, material was not easy to come by. Every little bit she could get she put to use.  She ended up hoarding many boxes of clothing and materials that she would never have time to use in her lifetime.  The start of this hoarding was a little girls play room…. Mine.

Most little girl’s dream of becoming a princess, I on the other hand wanted to be a sexy jazz singer with a long cigarette holder in a Mickey Spillane book.   I would stand on her coffee table in front of the mirror in her bedroom dressed in whatever combination I could find that would set the mood & sing loudly into a hairbrush for my microphone.  There was an old phonograph there with a few old 45’s. She didn’t have many records and I doubt she ever played them. She probably got them at a sale and they were stored away with the clothes.  I however played them many many many times over.  One of the records was  CRY by Johnny Ray  http://youtu.be/mFdYALD4Ygw  I sang this over and over in front of that mirror dressed in that night gown. 

That night gown has been in my dreams.  I had completely forgotten about it. But yet here it is in my mind as real as it can be.  I can close my eyes and smell it.  Feel it.. I remember how smooth it was. I remember it not fitting as loose in later days as I grew more into it.  As an only child I pride myself on never being board in my life, I always figured out something to do.  Some may have called it a waste of time to play dress up in my grandma’s stuff.   I know it was not a waste of time.  I used many things back then, my imagination for one.  It wasn’t just given to me on a screen or keyboard to see someone else’s imagination.   All I had was mine. 

I have no idea what that night gown has shown up in my mind again.  I wish I had it with me today.  It was not mine to keep.  Who knows what its fate ended up to be.   It was worn but not worn out.  Did it make the woman who owned it before feel sexy? Surely if she loved it as much as I did, she would not have given it away … It made me feel sexy way before I knew what sexy could mean.   In my adult life I have acquired many sexy pieces of clothing.   From backless to braless you name it… however not one of those pieces.. make me feel like that peach night gown did. Now it comes to visit me in my dreams.

Why has it returned to me in my thoughts? What could it possibly mean?  It is not something I can create over.. There is nothing like it that I have seen since.  It would simply not be the same. Yet here it is, over and over again. A piece of clothing from my childhood that was not even mine.  Maybe I don’t need to figure it out at all, just share the story with you. 

A woman with matching peach lips wears this nightgown now in my dreams.  She is barefoot and walking down a hall as in a motel. She never goes into a room she just walks towards me.  She never reaches me but keeps walking.  She looks sad.  The dream is not frightening it is actually comforting in a weird way.  That is the night gown I used to play in.  Maybe it’s hers again, the woman who owned it.  Maybe she wears that night gown again in another space and time.. And I am just one of those people that she can show in a dream because of the nightgown.  I doubt I will ever know.     

 

 

Things That Matter

THINGS THAT MATTER

When I was a kid, my grandma Anna had newspapers around.  Local news papers, trade papers, entertainment papers & magazines.  Two of these were the STAR and The National Enquirer.

The difference in the media of the time was evident. As a kid my eyes turned to the flippant gossip rag of fashion and drama.  It has been decades since I have had any interest in those tabloids.  I prefer to think of it as mentally stimulating my brain with better subject matter..  MATTER!!! THAT’S IT.  Matter.. what matters. What really matters.   Live and death over he said she said.   People are so drawn to gossip and drama that it is sickenin to me at this point in life.  So many people get stressed out or build a life on other peoples dramas.  Social media is a great tool. We hear about things faster than the news can report, things that really matter get addressed so that we can use our brains to weed out the Star & Enquirer news.   More and more I find that the social media is dwelling on the he said she said topics, the dirty laundry of personal lives… and some asshole always has to antagonize or argue or complain about anything represented.   We have Theater, movies, music..  all of these things are outlets for our creativity and craving for drama.. its DRAMA in the best form..  actors, musicians…. Performers to let you imagine for a song or an hour… to escape your own stress or just laugh or enjoy.  

   The older I get… the more I roll my eyes at some of the lets call it abuse of social media…  I enjoy the arts, I enjoy keepin in touch with people I know or people I have things in common with.  I am finding myself getting weary of the STAR and Enquirer type news that keeps hitting views on FaceBook,  Things I did not sign up for… things that they think im interested in  lol.    When you feel you have to look on snopes for everything to see if it is full of shit or not…  once in a while you have to rant.    I am not saying I expect a sober, snobbish intellectual only dry no humor social network .. not at all.’m just tired of the things that try to lead us all into sheep territory.  Tired of the the media talking about Mylie or the Kardashians like it was actually important when lives are being lost.   The coverage is ridiculous.. as if they want the majority to be distracted from what is going on.  Am I paranoid.. maybe. Maybe not.    

I did not subscribe to the Star or Enquirer on line. I plan to continue to avoid this crap.

I made myself a deal.  Time permitting, with every piece of shit drama that crosses my path.. I will purify my brain with some actual things that Matter on any scale & try to do something productive about it or for it.     Don’t get me wrong.. I love social media & everyone needs a drama outlet.. I just wish some of the participants were more conscious of things that matter.

Move Over (Janis Joplin Cover)
Clairede Dirval Vocals & Guitar, Dixie Silverweb Synths
http://fandalism.com/clairede/ckeV

Dixie Boy

https://soundcloud.com/clairededirval/dixie-boy-clairede-dirval

http://fandalism.com/clairede/b1at

Long Distance Runaround Dixie & Clairede

Long Distance Runaround Dixie & Clairede

Amazed

http://youtu.be/_70KMhgOOdo

Hometown Glow, My cousins world

http://hometownglow.bandcamp.com/

My cousin Greyson's band Hometown Glow.
He is the singer guitarist... :) 
Could just squeeze him :)   so proud.. he sounds wonderful.

Video
http://youtu.be/d0y6Ya1rzjA

Do Right Clairede Dirval & Dixie Silverweb

https://soundcloud.com/clairededirval/do-right-dixie-claire

Pledge to Be Cruelty-Free

Pledge to Be Cruelty-Free

Raffle for Battle Mt. Humane Society

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=470643679669048&set=a.470643639669052.101831.137483672985052&type=1&theater

Battle Mountain Humane Society is very happy to say that we have a 2013 Harley Davidson Softail Classic 110th Anniversary Edition. Only 1900 of them were made. Please support BMHS No Kill Shelter and buy your tickets now at... their website www.BattleMountainHumaneSociety.Org or mail a check in to BMHS 27254 Wind Cave Rd. Hot Springs, SD 57747. We do accept Pay Pal too. Please help BMHS finish their shelter and to help with feeding, caring, and saving the animals that need us. Thank you Facebook fans for the great support. All funds raised will help us finish our new building, Feed, Care and Save the Animals at BMHS. Once the building is finished, we can have our grand opening party.
Please make sure you give us your full name, address, all contact numbers, and your email address. Thank you and good luck. From all of us at BMHS and the dogs and cats thank you all for the great support.

KOTA Territory humane society gets celebrity attention - KOTA Territory News#.UPAW_75pxVQ.facebook

KOTA Territory humane society gets celebrity attention - KOTA Territory News#.UPAW_75pxVQ.facebook

Cry Me A River

Cry Me A River

Clairede Dirval - Dixie Silverweb - My Funny Valentine

Clairede & Dixie - Happy Xmas

Clairede & Dixie - Happy Xmas

My Funny Valentine

My Funny Valentine

Youre The One That I Want

Youre The One That I Want

A Song For You Dixie & Clairede

A Song For You Dixie & Clairede

One For My Baby Dixie & Claire de'

One For My Baby Dixie & Claire de'

Filthy Fluno - "Fabula Rasa" - DNA **Art and Music Fusion** - Clairede D...

Les Singes Volants playin for friends

A night at the round table with Archie Baldas Broken & Tommy Baker

Les Singes Volants