The Decomposing Composer

Thursday, October 31, 2013

White Wall Sessions Hometown Glow "Bright Outside"

My cousin Greyson's band... you rock kiddo :) love you
http://www.youtube.com/v/ft6hYxX4JnY?autohide=1&version=3&attribution_tag=5s-OQJroeV9ldiLcrk3CXA&feature=share&autoplay=1&autohide=1&showinfo=1

Fel Gives Treats

http://www.youtube.com/v/vPlOfJCwMB0?version=3&autohide=1&feature=share&showinfo=1&autohide=1&attribution_tag=A3TlVcnWXFbvt7ujbqD3Yg&autoplay=1

Monday, October 14, 2013

Ok, it’s time to blog about it. If it comes to my dreams more than once I have to pay attention to it on a different level. Four times now over the past few months for no reason at all that I can surmise my mind has been triggered to remember this piece of my past.

It was a soft silky satin material that clung to your body. It made you feel sexy even if you weren’t. It was a light peach color with no sleeves. It hung to the floor on me shorter in front and tapered to longer in the back so it drug on the ground a little behind me. It had raised threading on the front of it around each side of the low cut V neck line. It was curvy even when a little girl put it on. This was not my nightgown. It was in my grandmas “stuff “. I always felt sexy when wearing it and a little sad. I used to think the sad was because I wanted it and it was not mine to have. I was too little. It was too grownup.

I spent hours as a little girl playing in my grandma’s stuff. She had an upstairs in both houses that she lived in while I knew her. Each room was a hidden treasure chest of dress up clothes for a little girl. She had wardrobes, hampers, closets, and boxes full of hats, coats, & dresses. My grandma used to be a seamstress in the depression years. She made her 4 son’s suit jackets out of an older full length coat that was given to her. She wore turbans before her time when she could not afford a proper hat. Because she was raised and lived in the depression, material was not easy to come by. Every little bit she could get she put to use. She ended up hoarding many boxes of clothing and materials that she would never have time to use in her lifetime. The start of this hoarding was a little girls play room…. Mine.

Most little girl’s dream of becoming a princess, I on the other hand wanted to be a sexy jazz singer with a long cigarette holder in a Mickey Spillane book. I would stand on her coffee table in front of the mirror in her bedroom dressed in whatever combination I could find that would set the mood & sing loudly into a hairbrush for my microphone. There was an old phonograph there with a few old 45’s. She didn’t have many records and I doubt she ever played them. She probably got them at a sale and they were stored away with the clothes. I however played them many many many times over. One of the records was CRY by Johnny Ray http://youtu.be/mFdYALD4Ygw I sang this over and over in front of that mirror dressed in that night gown.

That night gown has been in my dreams. I had completely forgotten about it. But yet here it is in my mind as real as it can be. I can close my eyes and smell it. Feel it.. I remember how smooth it was. I remember it not fitting as loose in later days as I grew more into it. As an only child I pride myself on never being board in my life, I always figured out something to do. Some may have called it a waste of time to play dress up in my grandma’s stuff. I know it was not a waste of time. I used many things back then, my imagination for one. It wasn’t just given to me on a screen or keyboard to see someone else’s imagination. All I had was mine.

I have no idea what that night gown has shown up in my mind again. I wish I had it with me today. It was not mine to keep. Who knows what its fate ended up to be. It was worn but not worn out. Did it make the woman who owned it before feel sexy? Surely if she loved it as much as I did, she would not have given it away … It made me feel sexy way before I knew what sexy could mean. In my adult life I have acquired many sexy pieces of clothing. From backless to braless you name it… however not one of those pieces.. make me feel like that peach night gown did. Now it comes to visit me in my dreams.

Why has it returned to me in my thoughts? What could it possibly mean? It is not something I can create over.. There is nothing like it that I have seen since. It would simply not be the same. Yet here it is, over and over again. A piece of clothing from my childhood that was not even mine. Maybe I don’t need to figure it out at all, just share the story with you.

A woman with matching peach lips wears this nightgown now in my dreams. She is barefoot and walking down a hall as in a motel. She never goes into a room she just walks towards me. She never reaches me but keeps walking. She looks sad. The dream is not frightening it is actually comforting in a weird way. That is the night gown I used to play in. Maybe it’s hers again, the woman who owned it. Maybe she wears that night gown again in another space and time.. And I am just one of those people that she can show in a dream because of the nightgown. I doubt I will ever know.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Things That Matter

THINGS THAT MATTER

When I was a kid, my grandma Anna had newspapers around. Local news papers, trade papers, entertainment papers & magazines. Two of these were the STAR and The National Enquirer.

The difference in the media of the time was evident. As a kid my eyes turned to the flippant gossip rag of fashion and drama. It has been decades since I have had any interest in those tabloids. I prefer to think of it as mentally stimulating my brain with better subject matter.. MATTER!!! THAT’S IT. Matter.. what matters. What really matters. Live and death over he said she said. People are so drawn to gossip and drama that it is sickenin to me at this point in life. So many people get stressed out or build a life on other peoples dramas. Social media is a great tool. We hear about things faster than the news can report, things that really matter get addressed so that we can use our brains to weed out the Star & Enquirer news. More and more I find that the social media is dwelling on the he said she said topics, the dirty laundry of personal lives… and some asshole always has to antagonize or argue or complain about anything represented. We have Theater, movies, music.. all of these things are outlets for our creativity and craving for drama.. its DRAMA in the best form.. actors, musicians…. Performers to let you imagine for a song or an hour… to escape your own stress or just laugh or enjoy.

The older I get… the more I roll my eyes at some of the lets call it abuse of social media… I enjoy the arts, I enjoy keepin in touch with people I know or people I have things in common with. I am finding myself getting weary of the STAR and Enquirer type news that keeps hitting views on FaceBook, Things I did not sign up for… things that they think im interested in lol. When you feel you have to look on snopes for everything to see if it is full of shit or not… once in a while you have to rant. I am not saying I expect a sober, snobbish intellectual only dry no humor social network .. not at all.’m just tired of the things that try to lead us all into sheep territory. Tired of the the media talking about Mylie or the Kardashians like it was actually important when lives are being lost. The coverage is ridiculous.. as if they want the majority to be distracted from what is going on. Am I paranoid.. maybe. Maybe not.

I did not subscribe to the Star or Enquirer on line. I plan to continue to avoid this crap.

I made myself a deal. Time permitting, with every piece of shit drama that crosses my path.. I will purify my brain with some actual things that Matter on any scale & try to do something productive about it or for it. Don’t get me wrong.. I love social media & everyone needs a drama outlet.. I just wish some of the participants were more conscious of things that matter.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Move Over (Janis Joplin Cover)
Clairede Dirval Vocals & Guitar, Dixie Silverweb Synths
http://fandalism.com/clairede/ckeV

Monday, April 22, 2013

Dixie Boy

https://soundcloud.com/clairededirval/dixie-boy-clairede-dirval

Sunday, April 14, 2013

http://fandalism.com/clairede/b1at

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Hometown Glow, My cousins world

http://hometownglow.bandcamp.com/

My cousin Greyson's band Hometown Glow.
He is the singer guitarist... :)
Could just squeeze him :) so proud.. he sounds wonderful.

Video
http://youtu.be/d0y6Ya1rzjA

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Do Right Clairede Dirval & Dixie Silverweb

https://soundcloud.com/clairededirval/do-right-dixie-claire

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Pledge to Be Cruelty-Free

Friday, February 15, 2013

Raffle for Battle Mt. Humane Society

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=470643679669048&set=a.470643639669052.101831.137483672985052&type=1&theater

Battle Mountain Humane Society is very happy to say that we have a 2013 Harley Davidson Softail Classic 110th Anniversary Edition. Only 1900 of them were made. Please support BMHS No Kill Shelter and buy your tickets now at... their website www.BattleMountainHumaneSociety.Org or mail a check in to BMHS 27254 Wind Cave Rd. Hot Springs, SD 57747. We do accept Pay Pal too. Please help BMHS finish their shelter and to help with feeding, caring, and saving the animals that need us. Thank you Facebook fans for the great support. All funds raised will help us finish our new building, Feed, Care and Save the Animals at BMHS. Once the building is finished, we can have our grand opening party.
Please make sure you give us your full name, address, all contact numbers, and your email address. Thank you and good luck. From all of us at BMHS and the dogs and cats thank you all for the great support.