Thursday, February 10, 2011

By The Skin Of His Teeth

     I remember one of my drummers getting used to his teeth... yes, his teeth. He had been without his teeth for 13 years.  He got used to it and the only thing that he wanted to do was bite into a steak.... so after that long there were some adjustments to be made. He was finaly able to get his nice shiney white choppers. It took 10 years off of his looks, he looked and acted more confident, it was really cool to see him smile and not hide his mouth. But there was a transition period...  He was and is not a large man, small in stature and it is to the point that if he were to eat an M&M he looks pregnant. (He has to run around in the shower to get wet).  Just so you get the visual. One needs to have a bit of a visual to enjoy the point of this  true story.
   His then wife could have been jealous to a degree because they now almost looked like they were mother and son, not husband and wife. It changed him that much.  He would forget to put them in some times and we got a chuckle a few times when he would race back to the hotel room to get them before a show.  It used to drive me crazy to see his upper lip stick to his new teeth because his mouth was dry, and the little shit did not notice that it was stuck there.  Many times I reached over and pulled his lip down for him.  At first that motion just made him resemble a caught dog in a dumpster... the deer in the headlights look.  He finaly realized that he needed to be aware or look like a goof, or a very very bad gangster in an old movie.
     The particular night was a typical gig in the middle of the week, middle of Montana, nothing special going on.  Dinner served on one side of the night club and the band and poker machines on the other.   As with most night clubs with that set up, you have to play really soft dinner music no matter what the requests are.  Sometimes we would end up doing a whispering rock song, It can be done, it is just gonna move ANYBODY especialy the person that requests it. So we started to do our comatose set, low key, normal.  So I thought..... 
  The stage was a small obliette,  crowded,  and the drummer was behind us with no other place to set up. I prefer it if everyone can see us and we can see them, I hate stacking players.  I would not want to look at anyones ass for five hours, I don't expect a drummer to enjoy it.  It was winter, we had colds, sneezes were a common sound even if we tried to stifle them.  We were playing Silver Wings, I was singin, all was mellow and smooth, except things started feeling wierd.  The drums were jumping around a bit, nothing too bad, but he was better than that and so I turned around to see what the problem was.   I looked at him tryin  not to give him the prison stare that I guess I have when someone is messin around.  His teeth were gone. He had sneezed and in his efforts to not draw attention to the sneeze after the song started, he tried to hold it in, and that inturn shot his teeth out of his mouth onto his snare.  That was the first sound that was not normal in the song,  I have to give him credit, he did not miss a beat, but he could not get hold of his teeth either.  Every time he reached for them, he would have to strike the snare and the teeth would hop around on the head of the snare. The harder he hit, the higher they jumped. Remember we are playing very quiet and soft, so with every strike, the teeth would move.  He could not catch them, but not for lack of tryin.   After about a verse and a ride of tryin to play with this going on, the front line was cracking up with hysterics but still playin.  Finaly in his frustration and all of the laughin (his included)... he whacks the snare out of context  in a loud snap which he knew would make the teeth jump up.  Once in the air he nabbed em and put them in his mouth... still never missing a beat.  This could only happen to this guy.
Of coarse we then got repremanded for being "loud".  We didn't care, we were still crackin up. 
   One would think that you would learn from that, however it happened again to him.  He was not on stage, but driving in his van.  Another sneeze, this time face to the open window.  Somewhere in the Arizona traffic is a run over busted upper plate and teeth that belonged to a drummer.
     He eventualy invested in some goop to keep his new teeth in his mouth, but those early getting used to them days were a great laugh.   Smile for da camera lol. Moral of the story, if you sneeze alot and have new teeth, invest either in some goop or might I suggest some chicklets and duct tape.

1 comment:

  1. Excellent young Lady!! Keep singing at whatever gets you up or down ;)

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