I got independent very fast being an only child. People don't usualy tell me what to do and I don't care for it when they do. I don't mind suggestions, I don't mind offers of opinion or even a debate with someone who has good points or at least objective ones. I make my own choices in the long and short of it. I take feelings and opinions of my mate and friends into concideration before I make decisions or choices.. but it does not rule my end on choice.. I do.
People can be independent and part of something. I am referring to marriage. Just because you become a part of something does not mean you loose your own choices and likes and dislikes. One very big mistake people make when becoming a couple is forgetting what THEY liked to begin with. There is a lot of merrit to the yours, mine and ours. When you start to base choices only on what the "couple" choose without still keeping some of your own things evident.. you loose apart of yourself. Women for centurys have been screaming about loosing their identity and their rights.... and in a related way... those people who demand that things are given up because you are now a "couple"... have no clue as to the situation they put themselves in for the future. Over time.. years... friends come and go.. you have friends before you start dateing someone or marry them.. and lets hope they all get along with your intended. they come and go.. you have friends after...you meet friends as a couple.. they come and go to. However.. the ones that you cherrish.. should not be forsaken because your mate has become insecure or has low self esteme and can not handle a friendship that you have. To give up your right of choice.. you loose more than just that. It chips away at you. Where is it written that everyone you like has to like each other.. it is not. It is up to us.. to juggle or strive to get harmony so that we don't loose ourselves in what someone else wants.
My husband does not tell me who I can like. My father did not do it, my mother did not do it, and none of my friends are going to make me sever relationships with others just because they don't like one another. The day that I don't hold on to what I want as far as my own choice of friends... is the day I don't deserve to have them. I'll be damned if I let someone elses insecurities rule and govern whom I share, care and love. I have enough insecurities of my own.
I am not saying ignore your spouse or anyone with a good point or reason. Pay attention, but make sure it is for the right reasons...One should ask themselves.. why is there bad blood there? Why so touchy? Why do I have to give up my friends... who are you giving up???? Are they mean to you? Are they rude to you.... If there is no valid reason... then there is nothing but insecurity talking.
I have many male & female friends whom I care for dearly. I have a very open minded husband who knows me. It did not take 26 years to drive a point home. I have had friends, he has friends, and we have friends together. It is never an issue of importance wheather it is MY friend coming over for dinner.. or HIS. After time spent.. they are ours anyway. Maybe not on the same level.. but how blind do you have to be to ignore someone that your spouse has a friendship with and have a problem with it that it is not YOUR friend. I find this very hurtfull to many friendships.
Bottom line... some best friendships are lost because of insecurities and obsessions that do not even belong to them.. but to the spouses that are supposed to love them. If you love them, why take away or push for them to get rid of something they love. That old saying of if it is yours let it go and it will come back to you on its own fits here. If you have a good marriage, no matter how many friends or what level you value that friendship, it will not effect you and your spouse. It is wrong to let them obsess over your feelings of someone you hold dear. It is NOT ABOUT THEM. And guess what.. you can breathe without them too.. Being in love and being commited does not mean shutting yourself off. Your are not dead, you are married. If you start to become them....with their wishes.. they are gonna forget who you are too. Hence comes the saying.. It's not the "man" or "woman" I married. haha.. how can it be.. you have forced your opinions on them....
how is that for food for thought.
BRAVO!
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